Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
