I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
