If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
