haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
