My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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