I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
