I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
