im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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