someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
