What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
