a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
