I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
