There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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