i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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