these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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