I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
