Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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