Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
