is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
