420 ftw
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
