i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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