FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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