i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
