Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
