It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
