Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
