i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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