Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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