Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
