i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
