i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
