You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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