wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
