She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
