i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
