I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
