dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
