Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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