Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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