Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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