I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
