Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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