If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
