That's intense
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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