So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
