made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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