Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
