felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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