He asked to "fluff my boner.."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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