dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
