Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
