and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
