That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
