Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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