dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
