ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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