i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
